I'm the new cancer

Real Heroes

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 07:03:17 GMT

you have no idea
maybe you do
I don't know
but your their heroes
you claimed fame while remaining faceless
they don't even know you yet they look up to you
the day I stop thinking is the day I die
barely even choking this entry out
I stick by what I said
real heroes need no identity
if the world would listen what would they here
I'm not myself today
I'm never myself
well I am just in a very round about way
I can say I'm not jealous
not of your achievements
maybe I'll explain someday
all that I've kept locked away
hidden in enigma
maybe just maybe
someday lost in the horizon
I'll let you know what I'm thinking
I'll let you tear down these walls
and watch my life tumble downwards for some safe corner
and know the lack of affect all too well
and maybe just maybe I'll shed a tear or two

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 06:32:30 GMT

unbelievable freedom but I'm once again dragged back to this moth lit city
I need to stop looking back,
only 4 more days till the ultimate distraction
your just like my mother did you know that?
scared of natural forces
trying to resist ripping my hair out
stupid jokes from fake friends
remind me why I haven't disemboweled you yet?
oh yeah that tiny little speck of something that reminds me of somebody different
blood seems to be a recurring theme don't it?

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 08:26:48 GMT

ok does ANYBODY actually read this thing...
aside from possibly mel?
if so,
comment...
just for a change

In this moth lit city

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 06:51:15 GMT

everybody is still telling me to stop
and so am I
minor obsession
pretty and desolate they'd always say
desperately hiding
scraping across that barrier again
secrets are unnecessary but this is a whole new league
the ink is soaking in
its not that long for this moth lit city
never called home just escape
abnormal conditioning ahead
our impact bringing down this world
to steal, to waste, to control, to lie, to destroy,
to totally bastardize anything perfectly natural
that's the brief of human nature
humanity just earned the name massacre

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 06:44:04 GMT

do you really know me?
or is that another one of my illusions
yet another comfort from I don't know where

rewriting former knowledge
she's always been so pretty and desolate
seeking guidance

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 06:42:02 GMT

I'm just another sheep,
beginning to end the same tell tail signs
I never understood the human voice,
only anxiety ran through my veins
excuse me while I collect whats left of my sanity

5.9.05/07

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 09:03:06 GMT

'oh you evil bastards' the only thought that comes to mind at the smallest torture
4 hours later,
quite a pain full reminder of home,
hospital grade bags cover the floor
amongst other things,
missing my "family" more than ever
I always wanted to return home
but I didn't want this,
funny how things work
how can I read you yet in the same breath you completely baffle me
pleasant strangers are always a pleasant surprise
can't you feel the electric shock?
my head aching for sleep and my body soon to follow
wishing for that goodbye
recalling the nausea pumping through my skull
followed by the churning of everything you know
and then out lies your deepest fears for the world to see
penny if you can guess mine,
in the end all your left with is the constant shaking moving through your body with tears in your eyes from that choking feeling as your own body rebels against you
didn't anyone tell you heat rises,

Happy Birthday Spencie

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 07:43:59 GMT

Happy Birthday!
your officially the same age as me for 3 months,
welcome to being considered alot more responsible then you actually are
welcome to everybody just assuming you know what their going on about when you don't
and your only 9 months away from being able to apply for your L's
its been 3 years since we met,
and both became completely different people to who we were
this year, you've taken a whole new spin on your life and your comming to realize who you want to be and what you want to do,
and you know I'll be there whenever you need my help and this isn't 7th grade spineles me talking,
your one by far one of the people who have compleately changed my entire view of the world so I guess this is both a happy birthday and thank you note,

ily Jayde, hope you have the best year of your life

p.s. see you at school and ms, Swales says happy birthday

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 08:41:43 GMT

a stormy school ground close to home
fates and friendships
if you don't like what I've done just say so
rather than play these retarded games,
the perfect prima donna
what could I say to change this fate
a stolen image
A claimed name
talented just lost its meaning
a lot has changed in these short years
insanity being one of the many in this populace

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 05:48:55 GMT

Hope for better, hope for worse
So similar to our world
I never understood this arithmetic
Trying something worse
everybody on the world stage
this empire falls from the sky
landing flawlessly in the dust
the night sky in the palm of my hand
it never makes sense
a new order to this chaos
I gave up knowing myself long ago
The bastardization of all the languages you've ever heard
and a couple you haven't heard yet
drawing blood without drawing sword
time flies faster the less you have to spend
have I mentioned the seasons changing
skip the ordinary
here comes the girl I once knew
this new chapter starts with a shatter and a crash
as the dam breaks
and the city will flood
become something beautiful again
its the timeless tail but we're waiting for the twist
I'd question your questioning if i didn't fear the answer
feeling threatened by myself
hoping to the gods I don't believe

The Power To Move

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 00:37:22 GMT

What can I say
other than its been a long time
and I'm feeling effects of that we speak
bridges burned and connections severed
its all gone to hell and don't we enjoy it?
because as we all know a bit of chaos is good for the soul
when will they learn
none of this status matters anymore
to whom we choose
to the lies we live
to the damage which is done
as this winter settles in
I can't make this any more obvious
have I mentioned its easier this way
with this sword dangled above our heads
same time a long time ago I was happier than I'd ever know
then the winter came,
my eyes covered by frost
my very touch turned to ice
and I became the ice sculpture you now see before you

annoyance lost its meaning many years ago
for all of those who do not understand
my dear illiterate audience
I'm afraid that will never change
you wouldn't understand if I learnt the power of speech
hearing these voices
seeing these things
I've detached myself from these numbers
Some what warm this winter
with offer of all indulgence
do they not understand that this soul is ice
Its never been like this before
shattering with every step
with one in sight it would not touch
only would command it would ever follow
this lifeless morbid thing shall never get what it wants
this by far is the greatest fear of all

I never understood what I lost

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 08:20:41 GMT

My eyes sting,
the realization it runs deep through this blood,
slowly regaining its strength,
won't be long now,
while I cling hopelessly to childish comforts,
the need to retain a grasp on reality is overwhelming,
Talking to this pitch black counsel,
muttering things things I've never dare say,
quiet wishes that will never come true,
I can't shake this feeling,
the smallest chip and my world caves in,
dreaming hopelessly of a better yesterday,
begging for the only attention I'll ever get,
hope that someday,
I will return,
to everything I once knew,
before this winter came,
and stole this soul again,

I'm sick and tired of this winter story,
I'm sick of most things
nothing is simple

its over

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 06:50:26 GMT

finally,
it may not have been long but it was torture,
I'm outta this game,
forget it,
just walk away,
its better this way,
I still don't know why a part of me is slightly shaken,
we might keep in contact,
or maybe not,

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 03:21:05 GMT

Rain does strange things
to warp the mind
to defy all logic
and refuse all thought

Losing this sanity by the second
did it even exisist
for life is fortune's fool

Silence
is the most powerfull weapon of all
it the hands of those who know

Wed, 30 May 2007 06:38:21 GMT

Why ask for the opinion
if you will take no heed of it
your so self indulged
and you won't listen to reason
why didn't you listen to yourself
I knew it wouldn't be easy but I took my chances
I gave you an honest answer
hide this expression and the tale behind it
close to tears
never of sorrow
or self pity
death its-self would be merciful
blinded but hatred is when you see most clear
some bridges were built to be burnt
will you only understand the size of this when the blood spills
cowardly and weak hiding from myself for your benefit
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THIS I WROTE IT OUT CLEAR ENOUGH TO SEE FROM THE HEAVENS
or will you only understand when it is written in their blood
why must I have to put up for their wrongs
you yourself preach about rage and how it works
you say you understand it yet everybody can see this anger but you
everybody can see this hatred but you
those threats I muttered are just that
yet you laugh and see them as a joke
even the blind see this but yet you are in this illusion that its all about you

will you only understand when it is written in their blood?

Fri, 18 May 2007 08:59:04 GMT

-sigh-
what does this audience want from me?
and I can't even trust myself

Mon, 14 May 2007 06:19:49 GMT

I'm getting use to this disposal of power
The winter will be especially cold this year
Throbbing in my ears
Reminders of better times
You'll never understand the hidden message
A feeling long lost
A distraction if you please
Dreams fill my head
They're eating me from the inside out
Lay the bricks and mortar
and as for you my dear counsel
as clever as you are you've missed your cue
in the end its all about self gain
I'd sell you my soul
for this life is a dangerous place
I'll never forget those years
Seeing out of the corner of my eye
hearing screams to my side
none is there
be cautious with this information
it could spell your demise
vision with no focus
these dreams are eating me from the inside out
I hold this power but dare not use it

Sun, 13 May 2007 03:32:47 GMT

How do you see life?

Life is good and bad. You know it can never be perfect and that it never have been, and you're fine with that. You still feel it's important to live life since it can end any day and not sulk because of some little failure in life. You are often a happy person, still you don't laugh all the time. You have a somewhat calm aura and most people feel comfortable around you.
Take this quiz!

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What is Your Phrase? [for darker people]

"Close your eyes and let your memories embrace you"
In your past, (whether it be as a child, a certain relationship with someone or just a specific timeperiod) you found happiness. Now, however, you have lost it, and wish desperatly to go back and relive it all. Because you focus too much on what has already happened, you have a problem with the future and don't really wish to go there. You have mourned this loss for quite some time now, and are too used to it to let the familarity go. This situation is making you frustrated, because you can't do anything about it, but you remain unwilling to release your memories.
Take this quiz!

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Sat, 12 May 2007 22:18:45 GMT

only in dream
like a break in a dam
the black-holes grip is getting stronger
visions of the future
rumors are rumors and that's all they'l ever be
right to left
life could be so much easier
but everybody loves a good complication
what more can I say
censor the story
hide the lies
delude yourself just for fun
sensitive soul
everybody needs a guardian
I'll never listen to myself
collect the remains and start again
link this to the outside world
you'll never get this message
distracted by the past
never more than this
poetic license? of only it worked in real life
this could be much worse
but the world is still ungrateful
gone forever but not for now
and what more can I say?

Fri, 11 May 2007 08:57:09 GMT

A detox
an emotion
one at which i do admit I wish not to return to
I am a coward
and defiantly a fool
but I must laugh at this
at this pain you suffer
not with eyes of hate
no never that
side to side
who are you today?
I put it dead in front of your eyes
you chose to be blind
I may be a fool but there are many worse than me
their side of the story has always been a strange one
distorted by these illusions
hope of a better day
blur this picture
smudge the ink
for I will die on a better day

something I said in my dream,

Thu, 10 May 2007 06:07:43 GMT

you and I both know what I am like,
but my heart will freeze when winter comes
freeze for the seemingly eternal night
and I will no longer be the one you love
with ice' first touch I will fall
withdraw from all that is known to me
become a silhouette, a shadow of my former self
and I will loose all interest in this such world
begin to mourn an unknown tragedy
my eyes will become hollow and my soul the same
you have seen this before
without explanation
I do not mean to scare you
merely to warning of this such liking,
I will not be lost forever
I would never leave this as such
with lights first touch
I will awaken and begin to move again
I will see what I have lost
and mourn this passing
forget I will not
and if unstopped
will return to this eternal night
for no light shall shine as bright as you
be it the sun or super nova
or even the the light of souls lost long ago

None shall shine as bright as you.

Thu, 03 May 2007 09:07:20 GMT

I don't know what I'm looking for
never have, never will
this past has been torture
a loss of life
a loss of life
its only icing on this blood red wedding cake
the tears will roll
its pandemic
would you understand
error without transfer
flashes time and the lines are lost
political figures
family secrets
this talent was lost long ago
smaller audience
happens to be illiterate
foreign antigen
and an aura of pain is concluded
but nothing would surprise me
add to this collection
attention seeking?
maybe,

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 07:33:39 GMT

ok so there's this guy I know right?
and he happens to believe he's a 170 yr old vampire
and he's constantly trying to get into my virtual pants
so for a bit of a laugh I decided to go to his homepage
which happens to have a couple of quizes on it which I thought I'd take for a laugh
here's my results

my comment: LMFAO!!!!

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 03:20:41 GMT

does anybody actually read this thing?

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 08:15:46 GMT

one wrist gold
the other block
to show these different paths
write these words and ponder a meaning
so many will claim to know
each line a story
each word a tale
past present future text
nobody will ever know
how can you claim to know an others creation
when the creator themselves do not know
pick your words carefully
for they may be your last
lives are not lost and lives are not gained
you who believes this saga
you'll never know their cause
rhetorical questions have many answers
the choice is yours
a talent is lost for a life gained
the city lights won't blind you
foolishness will
try to have an original idea
copy right it, patent it, trademark it,
For a idea is no longer for free
think about this and I'll see you in court
Precious metal to plastic
and these are my sides
heart of gold, stone cold
Plastic and tacky, maybe you'll be lucky

A feel good quiz by cerulean_dreams
your name is...
your eyes	shine with a light all their own
your hair	is striking
your smile	is wonderous
your body	is wonderous
your hugs	make others feel loved
your kiss	is dreamy
your love	is forever

Your Inner Vampire
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Your Vampire Age	Three Centuries
Your Weapon of Choice	Fangs
Your Hair Color & Style	Long with an unnatural color
Your Eye Color	Black & Empty
Your Wardrobe Consists Of	Leather
You Belong In a Vampire Book by	Robert R McCammon

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